The Answer to Your Writing Prayers – Brett Kelly

The Answer to Your Writing Prayers

I’ll keep this brief.

If you’re reading this, chances are quite good that you write things, particularly for the web. There are two ways to write for the web (in my opinion, of course):

  1. Using Markdown.
  2. Some other dumb way that’s probably hurting your liver somehow.
Lots of people ask me about Markdown; what it is, how to use it, why they should bother using it, etc. Keep reading.

The shortest Markdown description ever

Put very simply, instead of writing this:

I found the <strong>largest</strong> cheesecake <em>ever</em> by searching <a href="">Cheesecake Finder</a>!

You can write this:

I found the **largest** cheesecake *ever* by searching [Cheesecake Finder](!

Markdown is awesome and you should be using it.

How to learn Markdown

This part is even easier.

My good pals David Sparks and Eddie Smith have just released the newest addition to David’s series of awesome MacSparky Field Guide ebooks called Markdown (non-affiliate link). That’s how you learn Markdown. If I didn’t already know it, I would after reading this book (which I did and, believe it or not, learned a few things myself).

Oh, and it’s not a book in the sense you’re thinking. It includes over 90 minutes of video demonstrating how to actually use Markdown, an additional ton of audio interviews with several preeminent Internet writers and, of course, the actual book text. It’s more of an experience than simply a book, if you ask me.

Grab your iPad (you can also get it as a PDF if you don’t have an iPad) and pick up your copy of Markdown (non-affiliate link). Because you’re awesome and David and Eddie are awesome and Markdown is awesome. Just so much awesome.

Go. Be awesome.

Want it for free?

I have a free copy of this ebook (iPad version) to give away. Leave a comment below with your favorite lawyer joke (in honor of my friend David who is also an attorney) and the best one gets the book. Void where prohibited or whatever.

This post contains affiliate links. This means that if you click them and buy something, I’ll earn a small commission. I’ve also placed non-affiliate links immediately after all affiliate links, so choose whichever one makes you more comfortable. Know that any affiliate product I recommend is something I personal purchased, use and love enough to tell you about.


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Click Here to Leave a Comment Below 26 comments

What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer? There’s skid marks by the skunk.

Thanks for the chance to win!

Aaron A. Davis

Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy did you check your patient
for a pulse?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: Did you check his blood pressure?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: Did you check to see if he was breathing?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: So isn’t it possible the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: How can you be so certain, Doctor?

Doctor: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Attorney: I see- but could the patient have still been alive

Doctor: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practising law.


Not so much a joke but I think this is cute.
My brother-in-law is also a lawyer.
He has 4 small children and when you ask them what their daddy is they’ll say,
“He is A (pause) Torney.”

So you can tell Mr. Sparks he is A Torney next time you see him.


    I definitely will 🙂


What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers in it?

The porcupine has the pricks on the outside!


How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?

Just say, “Fees!”

Rob Olian

The Presidential Selection committee at Yale is in the final throes of interviewing three candidates, a professor of statistics, a CPA and a lawyer, to choose the next president of the University.
The selection committee chair asks them one last question, “How much is 1 + 1?”

The stats professor says, “The answer is not as clear as you might think, but I think it is safe to say that the answer lies somewhere between 1.95 and 2.05 using a t-test value of 95%.”

The CPA says, “The answer is not as clear as you might think, depending on whether on is using GAAP and the numbers are accrual numbers or cash numbers, but it is safe to say that an adjusted basis of 2 is correct, assuming management’s assumptions can be relied upon.”

The lawyer responds, “How much do you want it to be?”

Stuart Smith

I’m currently in my first year of Law School, and I got this one a few years ago from one of my father’s partners.

Several doctors are sitting around discussing the easiest types of patients to operate on.

Doctor #1: I tell ya, the best are accountants. Everything’s numbered, categorized, and just adds up.

Doctor #2: No, no. The best patients are engineers. Everything is color-coded, labeled, and fits in perfectly where it belongs.

Doctor #3: Sorry guys, you are both wrong. Lawyers make the best patients to operate on. They have no guts, no heart, and their head and ass are interchangeable.

Mrs Macsparky

What do MacPower Users do when they find out that MacSparky is really a lawyer?

They laugh.


Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, “I don’t understand how you can be so much bigger than I am. We’re the same age, we were the same size as kids… I just don’t get it.

“Well,” says the big alligator, “what have you been eating?”
Alligator “Lawyers, same as you,” replies the small alligator.

“Hmm. Well, where do you catch ’em?”

“Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp.”

“Same here. Hmm. How do you catch ’em?”
“Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite ’em, shake the crap out of ’em, and eat ’em!”

“Ah!” says the big alligator, “I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin’ the crap out of a lawyer, there’s nothing left but lips and a briefcase…”

Andy Bates

Two lawyers were walking down the street, when they watched a beautiful woman walk by.

The first lawyer said, “Wow, I would love to screw her!”

The second lawyer’s eyes gleamed. “Out of what?”

Nic Lake

I came here to submit a lawyer joke, but they were all taken. All I’ve got left are true stories.


What do you call a bus load of lawyers driving over a cliff? – A good start!

CN Lashley

Q. Why do they always bury lawyers 12 feet deep?

A. Because down deep, lawyers are OK.

Neal Beets

An attorney is translating for his client, who spoke only Italian and was engaged in some shady business dealings.

The client used some hired help to steal some diamonds for him. They got the diamonds but only one henchman escaped and he only speaks English.

Now, knowing his lawyer speaks English, the client desperately wants to know where the diamonds are.

The client tells his attorney to threaten the person unless he tells.

Using his best English, the attorney asks and the person refuses to answer. This is repeated three times.

Finally, the client loses patience, pulls out his revolver, and tells his attorney to tell the henchman that the client will shoot him right now on the spot if he doesn’t tell him where the diamonds are.

The attorney tells the henchman. Fearing for his life, the henchman tells the attorney where the diamonds are.

The client asks, “What did he say?”

The attorney responds, “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”

    Shea Keltner

    I need to read up on Markdown, so for a chance to start with your book, here goes….

    How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time sheets, two to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.


    It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb… to his.


    How many can you afford?



Q: Why don’t sharks eat lawyers??

A: Professional courtesy.


Nice list so far! Thanks!


Two cannibals are walking down a jungle trail. Suddenly one stops, bends over, scraps up a handful of leopard poop and eats it.

The other cannibal says, “Why in the world did you do that?”

The first cannibal says, “I had a lawyer for breakfast and I’m trying to get the taste out of my mouth.”


An old law firm partner arrives at the pearly gates. St. Peter runs to meet him, “Welcome. Welcome. We’re all very excited to have you here. You’ve lived over 500 years. No one has lived that long since the old days.”

The lawyer is puzzled, “I only lived 63 years. I don’t understand.”

St. Peter says, “Don’t be silly. You’ve lived at least 500 years. We’ve seen your billing sheets.”


    Winner 🙂


What is the difference between a pirranha and a lawyer – one is a flesh eating animal, the other is a fish

Douglas Murray

What do you call a thousand lawyers chained to the bottom of the sea?

A good start.

Similar to the bus one above, but a more colorful image is formed in the mind.


Since I have you here, (sorry, that isn’t the lead-in to a joke) is there a way to use markup in Evernote? Switching from web writing to document writing is extremely annoying. Do you have a fix for this, or are you simply adept at switching languages several times a day?


How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?

-depends on how thin you slice them…


What do you call a beach with one hundred lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? A beach without enough sand!


I bought the book using your affiliatelink just to support you and your work on this blog. Keep up the good writing!


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