What Your Blog Software Says About You

Photo by Dunechaser

They say you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. Doyle Brunson, arguably the greatest poker player that’s ever lived, says that showing him your eyes is the same thing as showing him your cards. It’s been said that the best way to get to know somebody is by looking at their garbage.

It’s funny how much the things we do betray the details of who we are. Even things as inane as shoes and the contents of your trash can are dead giveaways for some folks. For others, it’s the blogging software they use.

I’ve been around this blogging game for a good while now and I’ve worked out what I feel are some pretty dead-on theories regarding the folks who own and operate blogs powered by specific pieces of software. At the risk of alienating the couple dozen folks who actually read this blog, I give you my list. And, to keep things extra spicy, it will be written from the point of view of the blogger.

Blogger

• “My son told me I should start a blog about my knitting, so I went to Google and searched for Yahoo.com. Once I got there, I typed in ‘blog’ and I found this great free blogging service!”
• “If Google were a girl I would stalk her. Please click an ad before you get the hell off of my site.”
• “I’m part of this competition to see how many animated advertisements and blog network banners I can shoehorn onto a single site. Vote for me!”

Livejournal

• “Mood: Old”
• “I’ve had a friends list since before people had actual, physical friends.”

Typepad

• “I sleep with a copy of Designing for Web Standards under my pillow and I paid for it twice. Something something Seth Godin.”
• “I’m pretty sure Zeldman farted on this very diner seat once back in ‘96. Hand me that screwdriver.”
• “Perhaps your crappy blogging system should output raw HTML files instead of making 85 database queries per page load, Dumbpress.”

Wordpress.com

• “Domain names are expensive and what the hell is a ‘web host’?”
• “I’m perfectly happy with my theme, thanks very much.”
• “You know Robert Scoble used this service for, like, a long time… hold me.”
• “I’m thinking of writing an ebook.”

Hosted Wordpress

• “I have written an ebook that will make you reexamine your entire life and teach you how to make a ton of money with a blog and oh please subscribe to my RSS feed or else the puppy gets it.”
• “Uh, I hacked the Kubrick theme to be more SEO optimized, noob. WP-Cache.”
• “Seriously, did I mention my ebook?”

Tumblr

• “Here’s a picture of the bottom of this guy’s shoe and it’s dark and beautiful because there’s no title. [heart]“
• “Part of the fun of my sweet blog is watching people try to navigate it. DON’T JUDGE ME.”
• “I just post links and rants here and stuff, my other blog is totally serious.”
• “Boobs.”

Posterous

• “Whatever, Tumblr doesn’t let you emai… oh, it does?”
• “Untitled.”
• “I just post links and rants here and stuff, my other blog is totally serious.”

Home-Grown Blog Software Built by the Author

• “MongoDB is clearly the better choice for publishing because of the efficiency and lack of a restrictive, right-wing schema. Pass the cheetos, platonic friend.”
• “My site runs off a combination of text files, bash, ftp and bitter, bitter tears.”
• “I’ve almost got comments working.”
• “If RMS had a blog, he’d run my code. Except he’ll never have a blog. Do you think he knows my name?”

I know, some of these are a bit of a stretch, but part of my duty as a Man about the Internet is to inform the uninformed, drag the truth into the light, kicking and screaming. Can you really fault a guy for pursuing truth? What if he was just feeling sassy and felt like making a joke?

Thanks for indulging me. And, just to show that I have a sense of humor, this site runs Hosted Wordpress and I have a Posterous blog where I post pictures and other stuff. I’ve also built a custom blogging platform before (though, not for myself). See? Credibility through self-deprecation!

Tagged as: blogging, blogspot, humor, livejournal, posterous, tumblr, typepad, wordpress